A Fraud

Yesterday I took Morgan and Connor to the doctor (C has bronchitis and a double ear infection, M has a single ear infection).  Our ped is wonderful and everything went very smoothly.  

As we were getting ready to leave, he asked if we knew of his plans to leave the base clinic.  We did, as he had mentioned it to Jeff a few weeks ago at the boys’ well-check.  We chatted about his move for a few minutes.

He continued our conversation with what a pleasure it had been to care for our kids and that he appreciates my positive attitude.  He said he gets to know his patients’ parents and that I always have a smile on my face and am patient and kind and that he really sees the reflection of that in our kids.  Then comes the kicker.  You’re a real jewel.     

That last statement got me all the way to my core.  I walked out of that room feeling like such a fraud.  Granted, those are all lovely things to hear but Idon’t share them to build myself up.  The fact is, I am usually those things in public and I used to be those things most of the time at home.  But, lately (if I’m honest the last oh year or so), that hasn’t been so true and I can’t stand it.  Instead, I’ve been the nagging and inpatient mom that isn’t much fun to be around.  I recognized it some before but never like I did as I walked out of that exam room. 

The good news is that, at least for the least for the last 24 hours, there’s been a change.  Both in me and in the tone around our home.  That’s a good start. 

   

Speeding. It's not a good choice.

Jeff was gone Thursday night and Connor was sick and having a hard time getting to sleep. I decided to load the kids up on the van and go for a quick drive and see if he’d doze off. This is something I try not to do too often but resort to occasionally in an effort to maintain my sanity at bedtime.

This night was different, though. We were driving down the country roads with the music on, bee-boppin’ along, minding my own business. I turned into the little town down the road and next thing I see behind me is flashing red and blue lights.

That’s right. I got pulled over at 7:30 at night, with my three kids loaded in the car. In their PJs. Lovely.

To make it worse, I didn’t have my driver’s license with me. And, it was my first time being pulled over, so I was a little nervous.

The nice officer comes up to my window.

 He asks if I know how fast I was going. 

No, sir.  I didn’t realize I was speeding.

Yes.  54 in a 40 around the the corner.  (In my defense, I find that very unlikely as I do drive a mini-van.  That’s pretty fast around said corner.  I think I would have noticed.  Plus, as Jeff later commented, it’s hard to run radar around a corner.  Nice try, officer.)

Then comes the kicker…may I see your licence?

Um…Sir, I thought it was in the diaper bag but it’s not. I’m sorry. (Voice quivering, like a nervous dork.)

I’ll spare you the rest of the conversation but after about 20 more seconds he told me to slow down and walked away.  Laughing!  I’m pretty sure he felt sorry for me. 

Then the little voices in the back of the van speak up. 

Mommy, what did the police officer want.  Sweet Jack asked. 

I was driving too fast. 

Mom, that’s not a good choice. 

You’re right, Jack. 

And, so, our list of things that are not good choices now includes(among others), hitting, pushing, unkind words, not sharing, smoking (that came up thanks to man stopped next to us at light), and speeding.  Teach ’em young, right?
 

Speeding. It’s not a good choice.

Jeff was gone Thursday night and Connor was sick and having a hard time getting to sleep. I decided to load the kids up on the van and go for a quick drive and see if he'd doze off. This is something I try not to do too often but resort to occasionally in an effort to maintain my sanity at bedtime.
This night was different, though. We were driving down the country roads with the music on, bee-boppin' along, minding my own business. I turned into the little town down the road and next thing I see behind me is flashing red and blue lights.
That's right. I got pulled over at 7:30 at night, with my three kids loaded in the car. In their PJs. Lovely.
To make it worse, I didn't have my driver's license with me. And, it was my first time being pulled over, so I was a little nervous.
The nice officer comes up to my window.
 He asks if I know how fast I was going. 
No, sir.  I didn't realize I was speeding.
Yes.  54 in a 40 around the the corner.  (In my defense, I find that very unlikely as I do drive a mini-van.  That's pretty fast around said corner.  I think I would have noticed.  Plus, as Jeff later commented, it's hard to run radar around a corner.  Nice try, officer.)
Then comes the kicker…may I see your licence?
Um…Sir, I thought it was in the diaper bag but it's not. I'm sorry. (Voice quivering, like a nervous dork.)
I'll spare you the rest of the conversation but after about 20 more seconds he told me to slow down and walked away.  Laughing!  I'm pretty sure he felt sorry for me. 
Then the little voices in the back of the van speak up. 
Mommy, what did the police officer want.  Sweet Jack asked. 
I was driving too fast. 
Mom, that's not a good choice. 
You're right, Jack. 
And, so, our list of things that are not good choices now includes(among others), hitting, pushing, unkind words, not sharing, smoking (that came up thanks to man stopped next to us at light), and speeding.  Teach 'em young, right?
 

A Fraud

Yesterday I took Morgan and Connor to the doctor (C has bronchitis and a double ear infection, M has a single ear infection).  Our ped is wonderful and everything went very smoothly.  
As we were getting ready to leave, he asked if we knew of his plans to leave the base clinic.  We did, as he had mentioned it to Jeff a few weeks ago at the boys' well-check.  We chatted about his move for a few minutes.
He continued our conversation with what a pleasure it had been to care for our kids and that he appreciates my positive attitude.  He said he gets to know his patients' parents and that I always have a smile on my face and am patient and kind and that he really sees the reflection of that in our kids.  Then comes the kicker.  You're a real jewel.     
That last statement got me all the way to my core.  I walked out of that room feeling like such a fraud.  Granted, those are all lovely things to hear but Idon't share them to build myself up.  The fact is, I am usually those things in public and I used to be those things most of the time at home.  But, lately (if I'm honest the last oh year or so), that hasn't been so true and I can't stand it.  Instead, I've been the nagging and inpatient mom that isn't much fun to be around.  I recognized it some before but never like I did as I walked out of that exam room. 
The good news is that, at least for the least for the last 24 hours, there's been a change.  Both in me and in the tone around our home.  That's a good start. 
   

The First Last

This past weekend Jeff and I went to Supper Club, our official first last here in San Antonio.
Our "club" is really just four couples who got to know one another through Church.  We really enjoyed each other and started meeting for dinner in each others homes almost four years ago.  Life was simple in the beginning , there were only two babies in the group and we met monthly.  The boys played while we ate gourmet meals, sipped wine and had great conversations.  We've now seen four babies born, added two kids when another couple joined us and there's one on the way this summer.  Things aren't so simple and we meet, when everything falls into place, bimonthly.  The conversation is still great, in quality and interruptions.
So, when we realized this would be our last Supper Club, Jeff and I called the sitter, forked overa chunk of change and had a lovely, interruption free, evening.  This group has been such a lifeline for us and we will truly miss them! 
Of course, this also brings to mind all of the other lasts that we have ahead of us as we prepare to leave for Colorado.  It's going to be a tough 6 weeks as we say goodbye to all that has been so important to us in the last 4+ years.        

An Anomaly

Jeff and I are quite the anomaly here when it comes to our "crunchy" lifestyle.  I'm not sure if it's because we're in Texas or in the military community but we seem to be more extreme than most here and stick out like sore thumbs.  I think we're pretty low on the crunchy spectrum but that may just be because I compare myself to other northwesterners.  We aren't shy about the fact that we try to eat as organically as possible, limit plastic use (for safety and to limit waste), use cloth diapers, I nurse our babies, and whatever other things we do. 
The people Jeff works with are especially amazed.  One of them asked him the other day if we had electricity!  (I'm pretty sure he was only half joking.)
So, tonight as I was putting the cookies we made for J to take to work in Pyrex containers (they're glass and reuseable afterall), I realized that many of his co-workers had never met me, or even seen me in passing.   I wondered how they envision me as Jeff tells them of the latest thing that I'm up to. 
Instantly I decided that they picture me with dreads, hairy pits and B.O. because, you have to save shampoo and water too, you know.    

An Anomaly

Jeff and I are quite the anomaly here when it comes to our “crunchy” lifestyle.  I’m not sure if it’s because we’re in Texas or in the military community but we seem to be more extreme than most here and stick out like sore thumbs.  I think we’re pretty low on the crunchy spectrum but that may just be because I compare myself to other northwesterners.  We aren’t shy about the fact that we try to eat as organically as possible, limit plastic use (for safety and to limit waste), use cloth diapers, I nurse our babies, and whatever other things we do. 

The people Jeff works with are especially amazed.  One of them asked him the other day if we had electricity!  (I’m pretty sure he was only half joking.)

So, tonight as I was putting the cookies we made for J to take to work in Pyrex containers (they’re glass and reuseable afterall), I realized that many of his co-workers had never met me, or even seen me in passing.   I wondered how they envision me as Jeff tells them of the latest thing that I’m up to. 

Instantly I decided that they picture me with dreads, hairy pits and B.O. because, you have to save shampoo and water too, you know.