Shriveled and Thorny

It seems that I’ve let winter get the best of me.  I’ve been in a funk and have felt and acted like this plant looks.

Shriveled and thorny, especially with those I love most.

I don’t know if it’s the cold, gray weather we’ve had.  (Which, by the way, doesn’t bode well for me considering we’re planning on moving back to the NW in a few years.)

Or, if it’s that Jeff’s work schedule has been crazy since late November.  That makes our entire family more than a bit crazy.

And, out of sorts.

It’s probably both.

Either way, I’ve found myself veering away from mothering the way I want to mother.  The kids are watching entirely too much TV.  We’re not getting outside like we should.  The fun projects that we all enjoy so much have been non-existent.  My patience is short.  My temper is hot.

Thorny.

I’m still getting meals on the table but there hasn’t been any bread baking, special treats or other goodies out of the kitchen.

Aside from all of the recent reading I’ve done, I’ve let go many of my interests.  And I won’t even go into the housework.  Instead, in a crazy response to the overwhelm, fatigue and frustration, I find myself spending too much time online checking e-mail, Facebook, and blogs.  Or, TV.  Or, calling friends.  Sure, those are all great but they aren’t a great survival response.

It seems, at least on some levels, that they’ve made it worse.

What I’m realizing is…

that I can’t do it all.  Especially not all at once.   It’s okay to simply sit and watch the kids interact with each other rather than using the time to “get something done”.  To enjoy the moments we have together rather than rushing from one to another.  Also, tasks are better accomplished one at a time.

There is true value to being still, not filling every moment with an activity or music or noise.  I can’t remember the last time I kept the radio off while I drove through town alone.

Taking time to pursue something that interests me makes me a better wife and mom.  Even if it’s a walk with my camera or an errand alone.

Smooth days don’t just happen.  It takes planning and being intentional.

And, finally, that even though it’s snowing tonight, Spring is right around the corner.

New adventures are ahead.  But these moments are fleeting.

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